Sacre Moo!

Lobsters, A-Team, Performance Art, Advertising

• Background: Dan is making a lobster movie. Alana twittered about this: http://maine.craigslist.org/etc/1083942710.html
• AIM Chat 3/27/09 9: 15 AM
• Luke: Dan, meet Alana. Alana, Dan. I know two people who talk about giant lobsters now.
• Alana: yo
• Dan: Howdy!
• Dan: nice site!
• Alana: thank you!
• Alana: i hear you're the person to talk to about lobster costumes
• Luke: i saw Alana's twitter and thought you had hired her for some b-roll stunt work or something
• Alana: hahaha lobster stunt double
• Dan: and weighs like 70 pounds, so we definitely could have used other people to wear it
• Dan: everyone got sick of it pretty fast
• Alana: "ok alana in this scene you're going to run through the flames, leap from the roof of the time and temperature building, and paraglide into demillo's"
• Luke: it reminds me of something that Hannibal, from the A-Team would wear when checking out a client
• Alana: now i am imagining the lobster lurching out of the A-Team van
• Luke: yes!
• Luke: with...crab man, from My Name is Earl
• Alana: also it would have a camera in one eye-stalk
• Dan: ooh!
• Dan: and a cigar lighter in the other one.
• Luke: yeah
• Alana: what else does a person need
• Alana: in life
• Luke: i think they should do that in the a-team remake film. only because the trend is towards greater realism and grit, the first time they open up on the villains with machine guns 30 people die, and they go "what the crap! that never happened before"
• Dan: and then they all have post traumatic stress
• Luke: but the giant lobster suit is kevlar
• Luke: so its all good
• Alana: huge lawsuit from children and widows of slaughtered bad guys
• Luke: and then its a legal thriller: The A-Team - a time to kill
• Luke: Matthew McWhatsit: Face. Samuel L. Jackson: Mr T, recovering steroid user
• Alana: the a-team: a dance with death
• Luke: Jim Carrey, Murdock
• Alana: so i'm thinking also the lobster costume should stake out the commercial street lobster mascot, like sit at mim's with a newspaper with 2 eye holes cut out of it
• Alana: just staring
• Dan: and Faceman should be the chick who plays Kara Thrace in Battlestar
• Luke: oh man
• Alana: and then casually leaving
• Dan: just to take all of his franchises away
• Luke: hahah! you win.
• Luke: i think that the only person you could follow, if you were wearing a lobster suit, would be another lobster. then its not so scary
• Luke: or go up to the other one. "John! What are you doing out here like this? Come home, the kids miss you. We don't care that you lost your job on wall street."
• Dan: i was thinking at one point of doing that when the movie was done - just showing up in portland and confusing people for free press.
• Dan: hahaha
• Dan: nice.
• Luke: too bad you only have one suit, dan
• Alana: or outside the nickelodeon where there's that statue of the guy kneeling and extending his hand toward that lobster
• Luke: we could stage a convention
• Alana: lobster flashmob
• Luke: every 5 minutes another one walks by, 'sup'
• Luke: high-claw
• Dan: wow. that would blow minds
• Alana: this is in really poor taste, but what about getting lobster suits to stand next to the "women in black" protestors with "lobsters in red" signs
• Dan: a lobster flash mob
• Luke: yeah
• Luke: bad pun time:
• Luke: a "don't legalize pot" sign
• Luke: wokka
• Luke: if one of us took that craigslist job, it would be even better, because we could get cooperation
• Alana: fill a kiddie pool with butter and garlic and get a regular person to lay in it while the lobster stands over them with a sign that says "think about it"
• Luke: yes!
• Luke: and film that daft punk video with lobsters
• Alana: i really am considering trying to take the craigslist job, i just don't know if my delicate sense of self-worth can take the hit even in the name of comedy
• Alana: also i have a strong suspicion that whomever is the lobster mascot can probably be bribed
• Luke: well, there is anonimity
• Luke: even better
• Alana: if we had the 2 lobsters we could do a whole spy vs spy thing
• Dan: now i'm watching flash mobs
• Dan: you started it
• Luke: awesome
• Luke: spy vs spy, we need a bowling-ball style bomb
• Alana: and trenchcoats
• Luke: if i had a friend who owned a costume shop i'd start an ad business just based on this sort of thing
• Luke: keep expenses down, do performance stuff
• Alana: honestly it's too bad the lobster industry is in the toilet because we should get paid a fat stack of cash to do guerilla surrealist lobster performance art this summer
• Luke: we can turn the business around
• Luke: but supporting a dying industry means we haven't sold out, its art because we are broke
• Dan: guerilla surrealist lobster would be a good, if a bit long, band name
• Alana: maybe once we achieve some level of fame/notoriety we can start collecting protection money from local seafood restaurants
• Dan: hahaha
• Luke: be a shame if a couple'a hardshells came in here and caused any trouble, capish?
• Luke: dan, we are writing your sequel here, take notes
• Luke: the godlobster
• Luke: or, the lobfather
• Luke: next up: lobster attack on Slugger, the sea dog
• Luke: for oceanic supremecy
• Luke: the biggest monster battle since godzilla/mothra
• Dan: ooh! I think that slugger having a bat makes it a bit unfair!
• Luke: well, lobsters have the a-team van, right? did we establish that already?
• Dan: oh, nice! does he have a driver?
• Luke: sebastian the crab
• Dan: fair enough
• Luke: speaking of which, i dare you to listen to "under the sea" from now on without hearing double entendres
• Luke: and thats all i'm saying about it
• Luke: i imagine that the lobster costume that company is using wont look anywhere near as nice as yours dan. imagine just standing across the street in a superior outfit advertising another restaurant
• Luke: we could start a costume arms race
• Luke: and revitalize the flagging portland animatronics industry
• Alana: whaddaya givin me here some fagase story about your kids, like i don' got a friggin brother needin a tomalley transplant
• Luke: YES
• Alana: costume arms race sounds like a good idea, i would definitely do that at the very least
• Dan: hahahaha
• Dan: i really want to rig up a frame to put underneath it so i can just prop it up somewhere instead of keeping it under a blanket on my porch
• Alana: or stand across the street holding up a boombox that's playing "in your eyes"
• Dan: hahaha! nice!
• Luke: oh yes
• Alana: i'm learning to breakdance from my girlfriend, i wonder if it's even within the realm of the conceivable to breakdance in a lobster costume
• Luke: you'd need a support harness i think
• Luke: "you will believe...a lobster can fly"
• Alana: walk up next to the commercial street lobster, carefully lay down some cardboard, put a tape into the boombox, and start brooklyn rocking
• Dan: if you built it right, i think breakdancing would be possible
• Luke: and give it a dozen roses
• Dan: with mine it'd work just long enough for the shards of plastic to cut the hell out of your back
• Alana: and then do a freeze and get up and gesture at the other lobster like it got served (the whole thing is a pun on eating lobster obviously)
• Luke: wow. thats wheels within wheels right there
• Luke: how about one lobster has guns, and one has butter?
• Luke: can we assume that the commercial street dude wont be responding very well, and we can act out scenes from Mannequin?
• ...
• Luke: so dan... how many times do people complain about the lobster being the color of cooked-ness?
• Alana: ask not for whom the banana slips. it slips for thee
• Dan: well, not that many people have seen it, but ... .some
• Luke: imagine if all drawings of humans were the color of humans after you boil them?
• Dan: when we were shooting in waterford these random drunk ladies came out of the wood\s to come see it
• Luke: actually, thats baywatch
• Dan: nice
• Alana: rimshot
• Luke: we'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waitress
• Alana: i only have one costume ): i need to get more
• Alana: for flashmobs clearly
• Luke: right
• Luke: furry flashmobs
• Dan: i think if i had millions i would find weird ways to spend it
• Dan: but you know, for the economy
• Luke: right
• Alana: also to film them all running down the beach in slow-motion with vangelis playing